Lizzie has doubts
by ellietriestowritethings
Summary: A short fan fic about The Lizzie Bennet Diaries. Set a year and three months after ep.100 with Lizzie having doubts over her and Darcy's relationship . There is a mistake where it says Lydia and Bing should be Jane and Bing i don't know how to change it . Sorry


Lizzie found herself pacing again. It was summer time and even though she knew she should be at Pemberley Digital with Darcy something was keeping her home. Maybe it was Lydia, even though they had seemed to heal the wounds left after the Wickham incident, she felt like somehow she needed to protect her. Shaking her head she began to chastise herself for even thinking about blaming Lydia for how she felt.

The thing was, she loved Darcy. Loved him enough to give up her dreams for him, to walk into Pemberley Digital and take the offer he had given her. That's why she was pacing, because she never been in love this deep and it scared her. Pausing she looked over her shoulder at the door behind her and wondered how long it would take her to get to San Francisco if she left now. If she ran there and got the quickest flight she could. How long it would take to be lying in Darcy's arms.

Suddenly there was a knock on her door and Lizzie found herself hoping it where him.

"Lizzie Bennet are you hiding in your room again?" Lizzie smile as she recognized the teasing voice of Charlotte. Remembering that it had been two weeks since they had texted she ran to open the door. Charlotte gave her a disapproving look as she walked into the room and settled on Lizzie's bed.

"So ..." she sighed.

"So …" Lizzie repeated her eyes fixed on the ground.

"I've been home for two weeks Lizzie Bennet and all you can say is so….?" Lizzie smirked as she sat down beside her best friend. "Come to carter's tonight, Lydia and Bing are celebrating their engagement and Lydia can handle one night on her own"

"I leave Lydia alone!" Lizzie said defensively and Charlotte chose to ignore her. Half an hour later they were sat at a booth in Carter's and the sight of Jane and Bing was starting to make Lizzie feel sick. She loved that they were together and happy but sometimes she wished they would go slower if only to allow everyone to stop hinting at when she and Darcy would follow suit.

"I need a drink!" Lizzie announced as she made her way to the bar. There was something about being home for so long that was making her feel low. She wished she were in San Fran again, sitting at one of the napping pods she had set up in her office.

"Peach!" she shuddered as she recognized the voice. In that moment she felt the shiver of hatred climb up her back.

"Seriously, don't call me Peach" Wickham smiled at her as she tried to ignore him.

"Lizzie, how many times do I have to say sorry?"

"I have no idea, how many times would you want me to apologize if I had sex with your brother , made a sex tape and tried to sell it to the highest bidders" she spat and she felt the urge to go home.

"Well Darcy was the closest thing I had to a brother…" he began and Lizzie felt the burn of annoyance flood her cheeks.

"Are you comparing me being with Darcy to you taking advantage of my sister?"

"No, not at all. I'm just saying me and you aren't that different. I remember when you used to like me, like me a lot Lizzie Bennet" Wickham smiled as he reached to touch the side of her face and she seemed to flinch backwards. "I truly am sorry" he sighed and for a second she began to believe him.

"Lizzie?"

Lizzie turned to see Darcy standing behind her, his hands balled into fists by his sides. "Are you OK?"

Wickham smiled as he took his drink, pausing only to salute to Darcy as he made his way to a table surrounded by his swim met friends. Darcy walked towards Lizzie, he had dark circles under his eyes like he hadn't been sleeping and as Lizzie recognized the trepidation in his step she began to feel guilty.

"Is that the reason I haven't been able to reach you?" he stammered as he walked towards her. "Wickham" he said with such anger it almost sounded like he hated himself for even saying his name. "You have forgiven Wickham?"

"No, that … that was … he talked to me!" she began.

"And you continued…"

"No, no , I just … he annoys me so yeah I continued and it wasn't the best of conversations which if you had been eavesdropping well enough you might of noticed" she spat.

"I'm sorry; I should've practiced harder whilst I was waiting for you to call me back!"

Lizzie paused as she thought of what to say, his words hitting her like huge hail stones. She could see he had tried, he was standing there with a large red bow tie on and a newsie cat stuffed into his right fist as if he had wanted to appear and remind her of happier times. She sighed as she rushed to take his hand and dragged him outside. She couldn't help but feel a pang of pain as he ripped his hand away from hers as they reached the cold air.

"Why did you leave? Honestly. And I swear if you blame it on Lydia or Jane or … Why?" he asked as he stood a bit away from her , his arms crossed against his chest.

"What if we don't work?" she sighed. "Because I used to hate you, hate you love you and now I love you love you and two years have gone by and I don't know how this will end" she sighed realizing too late that any normal person hearing this would think she were mad.

"I don't see the problem" he sighed

"Of course you don't " she groaned as she began to pace again and as she passed him Darcy felt himself reaching out for her before he shuffled back into his angry stance. "I don't want to get married now, or have kids now or move to San Francisco completely now. I mean I want to sometime in the future maybe even the near-ish future but not now. Also I want to be able to go home and not feel like I've left part of myself with you. I love you but sometimes I feel like I love you too much. You're becoming my life William" Darcy flinched as she said his full name.

"…And I've never had someone be my life before. I'm happy when you're happy and sad when you're sad and I'm…"

"Scared" he completed. He paused for a minute before he stood in front of her to stop her pace.

"I'm scared too." He admitted and Lizzie found herself standing mouth open at him. Thoughtlessly she was about to begin to talk but he stopped her by putting a finger on her lips. "Let me talk now. "He sighed.

"I'm scared that you will wake up one day and remember all the reasons why you hated me or hated loved me as you just wonderfully put it. I'm scared you'll find reasons for why we can't work out or you'll secretly fall in love with some jerk like Wickham, or someone who's better than me because you deserve better than me… I don't want to get married now, or have kids now I want them eventually but … I want to want these things with you. So stop pushing me away please… because I won't go away without a fight Lizzie Bennet"

Lizzie sighed as she found herself reaching for his neck and pulling him towards her. As she stared at his face in her hands she found herself trying to take a mental picture for times of doubt.

"Remind me of this, in the future when I'm mad at you" she sighed

"So we have a future?" he said his mouth turning up slightly into a smile.

"Yes, hopefully… yes" she smiled and he shook his head.

"I'd rather remind you of the fact that you said we were going out for 2 years when it has only been a year 3 months, two weeks and a day. It's in my calendar"

Lizzie found herself laughing at that.

"See I count the hating you loving you part…" she sighed before he stopped her talking and her thinking with a sweet kiss.


End file.
